I decided I needed to write down my feelings through this new journey I am about to take. I have been a heavy person pretty much my whole life. The last time I can remember being skinny was when I was in like 3-4 grade. From there I have kept expanding. I have tried so many things over the years to try to lose, but alas here I am. I have come to the conclusion that I have no will power. Oh I am good while I am dieting, and then one thing happens and I just say oh well I screwed that us so whats the use. Well not anymore. I have made a life changing decision. I am going to have gastric by-pass surgery.
I have been going to meetings, doctor appts, been poked, prodded, thought what the heck am I thinking, etc. You name it and I think I have thought it. I still have more testing and more classes and then the doc appt to tell me when I can have my surgery. I won't lie, I am scared but its a good scared if there is such a thing.
I know this is going to take time and effort. And I have the mind set that I didn't put this weight on overnight and its not going to come off overnight. I know its going to be a rough road, but I will make it. A friend from work said "you are going to be a hot mess when this is all done" and she meant this in a good way. I have many people cheering for me. Which without them I couldn't do this. I think my biggest cheerleader is my best friend for many many years, (I think we figured its been over 35yrs) Deana and I have been through a lot over the years and we have lost touch and then got back in touch, and lost then found... But we have stayed in touch now for a long time, and talk daily. I can say whatever I might be thinking and now I won't be judged, and I will hear the truth from her. I know she has been and will be with me throughout this journey I am heading into.
My daughter Amanda is also a big cheerleader for me. She has been going with me to the appts, asked questions I might not think of. I do not know what I would do without her, and I hope I never have to find out. She has been my rock. We are very close and its been wonderful. She will be the one taking care of me when I get home as I need it. Between her and my granddaughter Morgyn, I know I will be just fine.
I have lots of thoughts running through my head as I have been writing this. I know most of this has been ramblings, but I needed to get it down. The main reason I want to have this surgery is I want to be around to see my children and grandchildren. I don't want to die young and if I don't get this weight off that is exactly what will happen. I want to be able to go into a store and actually be able to buy something off the rack. And actually have something to choose from. Not that I am a big fan of rides at a fair or amusement park, but I want to be able to ride one if I choose. Not have to worry about if I will fit or not. I want to be able to walk more than a little bit and not have to worry about being out of breath or having my knees hurt so bad that I have to sit down before I fall down. I want to be able to go out in the backyard and kick the soccer ball with my granddaughter. These may be trivial things to some people but they mean a lot to me.
This is a new year and a new year for Sue. And my journey will continue. And I look forward to seeing whats at the far end of this journey.