Mixed Emotions

I sit here with a heavy heart and mixed emotions. I can't sleep because I can't seem to shut my mind down. I received a call from my mother yesterday morning telling me that I needed to go up to the hospital to see my Aunt Arlene as it wouldn't be to much longer and she would not be with us any longer. She has cancer and has had it for many years. She has been through so many treatments and been in remission so many times I have lost count. She always was in good spirits and smiles. Even while visiting with her yesterday afternoon she looked so frail and in pain, despite being on morphine, she was smiling and asking each and every visitor how they were and that she was fine so don't worry about her.

This is my fathers last surviving sister and when she passes there will only be the two youngest brothers left and one of them is not doing that well either. I come from a very big family on both sides and its slowly dwindling down of the older generation. I realize I am getting older which means they are getting older also but I just am not ready to not have them around.

I have many many wonderful memories of my aunt. This was the aunt who always had baked goodies for us kids. She is the one who made the wonderful, beautiful cakes for everyone's birthdays, showers, weddings, anniversaries etc. I can't remember a time there not being a cake or two in the process of being decorated for one occasion or another. Although it never failed whenever my father had a piece of these cakes he would always end up with a toothpick in it that was used for support. She used to laugh at him and say she gave him that particular piece because she was getting him back for his consistent teasing when they were younger. He would laugh back and then smack her on the rear end.

Her oldest daughter Barb and I are the same age and we used to play together all the time as they lived in the same neighborhood while we were growing up. We both just knew that we would grow up baking/decorating just like her mom, but...oh we both can bake but come no where close to what she could do. Even though we would both sit for hours and watch her do what she did and even try our hands at it from time to time when she would give us leftover pieces of cake to practice. I can remember there being every color under the rainbow of frosting in bowls in her refrigerator just waiting for the next creation. She would take some of that frosting and put it on graham crackers and give it to us for treats. I actually to this day prefer that over cookies. I think its more the wonderful memories then anything else.

The above picture was taken last June at my granddaughter graduation party. Its of her and her younger brother Wayne. My wonderful best friend Deana's husband took pictures for me and I was able to get my family together. I wanted this picture taken as I was afraid even at that time it might be one of the last times we all got together and had the opportunity to have this done. You can't really tell in this picture but she was going through treatments at this time but made sure she came to the party. She always made sure she was there for any get together no matter how she felt and she always had a smile. I made copies of this picture and another one and gave it to her at the family reunion on July 4th. She cried and said thank you and she couldn't remember the last time she and her brother had a picture taken of them together. I wasn't aware of that fact. I hugged her and told her I was glad to do have it done and happy to give her this picture to cherish.

It's 3:30am and I really need to get some sleep but it evades me and it's going to be along day. I am trying to stay positive and think happy thoughts because that is what she wants. She says she is ready and is looking forward to seeing her sister, brothers and parents who are waiting for her. I told her I understood and that when she does go and is greeted by her family, to especially give my father a big hug for me.

Attitude of Gratitude

I have so many things in my life to be grateful for. I taught the 3yr old Sunday school/Primary this morning at church and it was great. I haven't taught in Primary for a very long time. It's amazing just how much these little ones know. Some are pretty obscure things that just make you smile at what they pick up. The lesson this morning was on Birds and insects are Gods creatures too. We talked about the birds and bugs that are around us everyday and it was funny to hear some of the descriptions these girls came up with. We colored pictures of the things we talked about and they decorated some little bird houses with markers and stickers. They seemed to enjoy themselves and were excited to tell their parents what they learned today.

I spent time with my grandson Noah on Saturday and was holding him when I happened to look at the clock and realized that he was a week old at that particular time. He has changed so much in just a weeks time. He is so precious and smiles at me everytime I hold him and talk to him. I know people say its only gas but I like to think he is smiling because he recognizes my voice. We take things where we can get them.

I watched my great granddaughter Randi on Saturday night and we had fun. She kept coming over to me and hugging me. She is so loving. I have a picture on my desktop on my computer of her and Noah and she smiles and points at the picture when she is here. She tries to kiss the baby in the picture and so I have to clean my comp screen when she leaves because it sure is a mess.

I don't work at the moment but I think I am busier now then I ever was. But I am not stressed out anymore. Oh I have my moments but those I can deal with. The overall picture is I love my life such as it is. I have blessings each and everyday, some I see and some I just know are there. I have a lot of faith in the Lord that he is watching over me and pointing me in the directions I need to be going at this stage in my life.

I hope everyone has a wonderful week ahead and spend time doing what is good for them. Take time to stop and smell the flowers. Revel in what is right in front of us.

My new grandson Noah James

I was blessed today with a new grandson. His name is Noah James and his parents are my son Bryce and his fiance Kristal. He was stubborn in getting here. Kristal went into the hospital on Thursday morning to be induced. She wasn't dilated yet so they gave her some medication to get her started in that process. Well after about 14hrs and 3 doses of this medication things sort of processed enough that they decided to start the pitocin IV to get her labor started. Well after another 11hrs or so the doctor decided to try and get the process started manually and then break her water. That was about 9am on Friday. She only got to 2cm by nighttime, 4cm by 4am today and then all of a sudden 10cm by 7a. She had an epidural around 2a last night as the pain was pretty bad and she really needed to get some rest for the upcoming birth. My son called me at 7a and said I had better get there now as she was ready. I went to the hospital (I had been at the hospital off and on over the last couple days also) at 7:30am and I knew it would be awhile but they were both so anxious. Kristal mother then showed up about 8a. This is the other grandmother, Becky's 1st grandchild also this was her birthday. Wow what a great birthday present she got today. I was able to stay in the room the whole time and help with the birth. I feel very blessed and grateful that she allowed me, her future mother in law to be there for this wonderful blessing. My son was so cute and was trying his hardest to do what he could to help make Kristal as comfortable as he could. He was very attentive and so grown up and mature. I am so proud of him.

Noah was born at 12:42pm and weighed 7lbs 12oz. I don't know how long he is as of yet and I haven't had the opportunity to actually hold him in my arms but I will be remedying that tomorrow after church. He has lots of hair and it looked curly which my son does have when he actually has hair. It looked light colored also. He is so precious and so beautiful, but then I might be a little biased on that opinion.

Here is a picture of him with Kristal about 10 min after birth. The other picture is of him with his very tired but proud parents. Even though I have been through this now for the 4th time with my grandkids, each time seems like the 1st time. I am so happy and so proud of them both.

I am so READY

I am so ready for spring and warmer weather. I am so ready to open my windows and let in some fresh air. I am so ready to air out the house. I am so ready to put away the heavy winter coats and accessories. I am so ready to not have to scrape off ice/frost off my car. I am so ready to see green grass not this yucky brown/green stuff that's out there now. I am so ready to be able to turn off the furnace. I am so ready to be able to sit outside in the sun. I am so ready for some cookouts. I guess I should just say I am so ready for a change.

I was so over winter way back in December when we got an early snow storm. And the snow kept coming and coming with what looked like no end in site. It seemed I was shoveling, or rather pushing snow daily. Since I broke my left arm back in Sept 2009, I don't have much use of it and so doing even some basic things is really a challenge. So shoveling is a sometimes a major endeavor. I have a daughter and her boyfriend who live on the other half of our duplex, a granddaughter and her boyfriend who live next door to me who could shovel for me but...well lets just say that doesn't happen very often. I also have a son who could come over and shovel for me also but...well that doesn't happen either. Don't get me wrong they all do a lot for me but shoveling is something that seems to be a non priority to them. But I try and do the best I can to get things shoveled so I can get out. It may take me a long time but it gets done and it gets done the way that I want it.

This winter season I have had more colds than I care to count. And they seemed to linger on and on to make it seem and feel like I never really was without one. While I was working full time it was rare that I had a cold, which was odd since everyone around me was always sick. But now that I am home and not around a lot of people except my great granddaughter, I seem to get colds at a drop of a hat. As a matter of fact I have one now. And it is kicking my butt. But I keep plugging along and trying to get things done that I need to.

I was watching my great granddaughter daily while my granddaughter worked, but now that my youngest daughter moved back here from Georgia for awhile, she has been watching her granddaughter, which gives me a break. Randi is 14 months old and on the go all the time and is exploring everything in site and into everything that she can possibly get into. She is a determined little girl. I have been able to get a lot of things done around here that have been put off because of time, sickness and just plain I didn't feel like or have the energy to take care of. Sometimes just doing the daily chores takes up more time then there are hours in the day. I have been able to get a lot accomplished just in this past week. My recycling bucket was way over the top when I took it out last night and I am sure it will be filled up again over the next couple weeks. I also have a big pile of bags to take to goodwill. But I am getting rid of a lot of things which makes me happy. I am not sure who brought all this stuff into my home but it sure wasn't me :) Must be some clutter gremlin running amok in my neighborhood. But I sure wish he would stay out of my home.

I love to read and now that I am home more it would seem I would have time to do more reading. BUT for some reason I can't seem to find the time to just sit down and read. I have a couple books I really want and need to read, one of which needs to go back to the library on the 22nd, but I can't seem to find the time to read. It seems I always have something going on, or I need to be someplace, or someone needs something done, fixed or taken care. I am not complaining about keeping busy but I sure as heck don't know where the time goes. I think that same clutter gremlin must have a sibling called time stealer gremlin because I think he is taking a few hours out of my day.

I am going to be a grandmother again any day now. My son and his fiance are expecting their first child, a boy, any day. She was due on the 11th and so far nothing. She is so ready and he is nervous. But soon my grandson Noah will make his appearance. I can't wait. We had a combined birthday dinner last night for my mother (2-26), my sister (3-6), daughter in law (3-11) and my oldest daughter (3-23). We all kept watching Kristal to see if there were any signs of her going into labor every time she made a face. LOL We told her to hurry up and bring on the baby. She just laughed and said from our lips to Gods ear. She is going to doctor this morning and hopefully he will be giving her some good news. I will be there when she goes into the hospital and I will take my books with me to read while I sit and wait for my grandson to make his appearance. Which will be a good thing all around. I am so excited!!!

I hope everyone has a wonderful day. Be safe and worry free in all that you say and do. Take care.