Nostalgic

I am not sure why, but lately I have been so nostalgic for the "old days". I have been thinking about foods we used to have for the holidays, family get togethers, family in general and so much more. I have been listening to songs from my high school days, I made a casserole, jello dish and some cookies for Christmas at my mothers house that we used to always have for the holidays. My brother really liked the jello dish and even said it was so good to have again. The casserole was a hit also and my daughters boyfriend pretty much devoured it and told me anytime I wanted to make it again he would surely help me eat it. (I made it again for our new years eve dinner). The cookies were all gone very early on also.

On Sunday night while at my cousins house we watched some old videos from past Christmas's and other celebrations from 1992. We all were commenting on how young everyone looked but yet the same. We also were noticing the people that aren't with us anymore. That was kind of a wake up call also to how many people we have lost in even just the last few years.

I understand I am getting older and I am not complaining, but with that comes everyone else is getting older also. I still feel like a kid at heart. I still remember all the good times I have had and they seem like they happened just yesterday. I look through old pictures and again it seems like yesterday that the even in the picture just happened. I also see my children, grandchildren and great granddaughter in those faces of when I was younger. I see my myself in pictures of my mother and my father.

I wish I sat down with my grandparents more and talked about what it was like when they were growing up, what their dreams were, what they were feeling and anything else they wanted to tell me. But when you are a kid you just don't want to sit and listen to the tales of the "old folks" but now I wish I had that information to go along with the pictures I look at. My paternal grandmother was born in Sweden and came here as a child. There last name was Gipson and it was changed to Freese when they came to the United States, but I don't know why it was changed and anyone who might know that answer is gone now. My maternal grandmother lived to be 93 and my mother who is the youngest has 3 siblings left who are in their 90's now and one who is in late 80's. The other 2 who passed away were in their 90's when they passed away. So on my mothers side they lived a very long life, which is a good thing. Good genes I think is what they call it.

I guess maybe a part of me wants time to stop sort of, for things to go back to the way they used to be. For me to gather information or whatever I need to pass along the information to my children and grandkids. I try and keep a good log on back of pictures so that maybe when they become my age and are looking through old photos they will be able to know what was going on. I want to hang on to the relatives that I have left. I don't want them to leave. I want my children to know who they are and where they come from.

Maybe its just that I want to remember myself all the good times, all the learning, all the things that used to be. I want the simpler times, I want the good food we used to eat, I want the good old fashioned gospel quartet music, I want to visit with family and friends just for the heck of it, I want to have family dinners just because, I want to spend a whole night just putting a puzzle together or playing a game.

This is a lot of rambling I know, and I am sure it is not very eloquently put, but it's how I have been feeling lately and I can't put my finger on why that is. If anyone has a suggestion, a revelation or whatever, please share. In the meantime I will continue to look through my photo albums and remember, look through my old cookbooks and the pieces of paper/back of envelopes with the recipes written on it and make those things I remember and just be me.